Sunday, February 14, 2021

[Lil' Status Update #2] Psych Appointments and Exam Results

Hello my lovelies,

I'm not really used to writing small posts like this, but there were two things I saw/read recently which motivated me to start treating this blog as a personal diary as well as housing my usual posts.

The first was thanks to one of the main characters in Eliza Clark's 'Boy Parts' (review coming eventually...). This character, called Flo, frequently updated her small blog with the turbulent ups and downs of her friendship with the protagonist. I enjoyed the idea of her blog being a much more personal affair through these updates, something I feel my own blog is currently lacking.

The second person to influence me, although a little strange, was Eliza Lam. A reoccurring element in the Netflix docu-series surrounding her tragic death was her use of Tumblr to help her connect with the world and feel less alone. This really moved me, as I too created my blog in the hopes of feeling less alone and being able to talk about my mental health without the prying eyes of mainstream media. Seeing the wonderful and introspective things she wrote really reignited my desire to do the same.

So here I am, writing stuff.

I'm currently lying on my floor, it's just gone 12am. I survived another Valentine's day, though this one was even more grating than usual thanks to the whole lockdown situation. I've taken my meds and have about an hour till I hit my pillow like a tonne of bricks.

Tomorrow (today technically) I have an appointment with my psych, which I'm somewhat nervous for. We've been discussing the possibility of bipolar type 2 (think of bipolar but with less severe mania) for a matter of months now, and I have a sneaking suspicion this session might hold the answer. I wasn't supposed to have another appointment for a few months, but thanks to an email I sent mid-breakdown it was promptly pulled forward. I guess I'm glad I told her how I was feeling, but god tomorrow is going to feel so cringey going over what I said. Fingers crossed it goes smoothly.

I also get my exam results back for my International Law module tomorrow, and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. It's the only law module I took as it was an elective, but I'm really hoping I did good because I'm considering pursuing law post-grad, and I'm waaaay to fragile to take a knock to my confidence right now lol.

The rest of tomorrow will mainly be trying to pull myself and my studies back together after a week-long depression funk of staying in bed and feeling positively hopeless. God bless reading weeks.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week :)


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